In general, her advice was, ” Use some sense of humor, of course, but nothing negative and don’t try to explain why you are there. No one likes whiners!”
One of the reasons that I periodically try online dating again is because you meet happy couples all the time that met on an app. But I notice that I often hear them say things like, “We met on Tinder, back when it was good” or, “We met on Hinge, back when it was good.”
Sameera agrees that the paradox of choice is one of the biggest problems engendered by online dating
A good one is The League, which started out as an “elite” app for Ivy League graduates, and has since expanded to people who are simply smart and driven. She’s also heard good things about a new app called Cheekd, which uses a cross-platform low-energy Bluetooth technology to match you with people who are in your direct vicinity. She’s not a fan of Bumble, which she believes “makes men passive and lazy when they were already passive to begin with.”
Sameera’s older clients have had more luck with online dating sites rather than apps, in part because there’s a wider selection of people above a certain age. They’ve had particularly good success with Match, which has been around since 1995. Remember, just because you’re over 65 doesn’t mean you have to close up shop. As one recent study confirmed, there are plenty of older people who have great sex lives.
As the saying goes, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” Don’t waste it with something generic like, “Hey, how are you doing?” Ask about something that intrigues you in their profile. But be earnest. Don’t ask about their dog if you hate dogs, or what books they like to read if you don’t care about books. You’re looking for something you can connect on, not just a way to get in the door.
“Endless options have kept more people single today,” she once told me. “Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side, and that there will always be another option around the corner.” As a result, people have unrealistic expectations, and if they aren’t completely blown away by someone on a first date, they will write them off in favor of going out with a new person, thereby throwing themselves into an endless cycle of first dates.
To combat this, Sameera suggests going outside of your comfort zone and dating people who you might not normally like, and going on several dates before you make up your mind.
” I know someone who went wasn’t into the guy at first and, by the seventh date, she really clicked with him,” she said. “Now they are dating exclusively. We live in a society where people are so easy to say no to. Get to know the person.”
It seems like the trend with dating apps is that the first few cycles of people who join are actually cool people genuinely interested in a relationship, but the latter waves are ones just looking to hook up
For tips on what not to say on a first date, check out The 17 Worst Things a Man Can Say to a Woman.
One of the latest terrible trends we have to deal with is R-Bombing, and I’ve been experiencing it personally with a guy I recently started seeing. In these cases, it’s easy to make excuses for the other person, and they themselves will usually say things like, “Sorry, I was really busy,” or, “Sorry, I’m just not really good at texting, but I really like you.”